A Room With a Mousse
by The Maine Coon Cat
Summary: Zim suddenly finds himself wed to a sweet, but totally incompetent Irken girl. The result? Chaos.
1. Prologue of Donutty Goodness!

"A Room With a Mousse"  
(FOI is copy. ME!!!!!! INVADER ZIM,unfortunatley,is not.)  
  
&&&  
"Run!"  
  
"He's coming!!"  
  
"GET AWAY!!!!"  
  
The Tallests froze,staring in horror. What had they done to deserve this?!  
  
Before them,a lone black boot stepped into the doorway,followed by another. Soon,two large eyes gazed into their own.  
  
Everyone in the Massive stood still,unable to comprehend......  
  
"My Tallests! I hope I'm not late!"  
  
"AAaaaarrrrrgh......."  
  
"Late?!" Red gestured with a tad more violence than necessary,"Late!? For WHAT?!?  
  
"How did you even GET here?" Purple whined behind him. "WHY?!"  
  
The vertically challenged alien bowed in respect,a glowing smile on his face,"You are quite accomplished actors,my Tallests! 'Why?' Heh-heh! Why? For my award,of course!"  
  
"Award? For what?!"  
  
"Ha-ha! Surely you remember how I stopped it!" Blank stares. "The SIR rebellion?"  
  
Purple blinked,"...SIR rebellion?"  
  
"Yes,yes. I was going through some old records at my base,and I found that this noteworthy act had gone completely unnoticed! True,my leaving Earth has put the mission on hold,but I felt that you would not want to pass up the chance to honor your favorite invader!"  
  
"SIR rebellion..."Red was tapping his chin,"Waitaminute!! Didn't YOU start that,Zim? You did! It was eleven years ago!!"  
  
"Hm? I don't know what you're talking about."  
  
"I'm pretty sure you started it."  
  
"Must've been somebody else."  
  
"You were on guard that day..."  
  
"No,no. Couldn't have been me."  
  
"But you were supposed to be gaurding them...and you went off to get snax..."  
  
"I recall no snax!"  
  
"McSmitty reported you!"  
  
"McSmitty?! McSmitty's a liar!!!"  
  
"But so did Bill!"  
  
"They were conspiring against me!!"  
  
"But I know that--"  
  
"It wasn't me!"  
  
Several MORE minutes of this horrible bantering passed by,and both tallests saw that they weren't going to get anywhere. Just when it seemed as if they would have to pick the little,rambling pest up by his antennae and throw him out into oblivion,Red got an idea...  
  
A really good idea...  
  
Probably the best idea he'd ever gotten...  
  
Wait,then how'd he get it so quickly? Huh? .......Oh,well.... It was still good.  
  
"Hey,Purple?"  
  
"Yeah?"  
  
Zim looked on,utterly dumbfounded as to what his Tallests could be whispering about. Finally,after what seemed like decades;they turned to him,a pair of devious smirks on their faces,"We see now that your contribution greatly affected the Irken empire!" Purple announced.  
  
"And so,after much deliberation,we will grant your request! Servant Drone!" Red pulled his enslaved waiter up by the collar,"Go out back. You know where to find her..."  
  
"Y-yes,my lord..." it whimpered.  
  
"Um,why aren't you going?"  
  
"I-well,I don't know where to find her..."  
  
&&  
  
Now,far away from all the chaos (or so she thought) sat our heroine,Foi. She was currently polishing off a meal so exquisite that it should have been restricted for the Tallests' consumption only... Which,in fact,it HAD been. She was also eating a scrumptious,ill-gotten doughnut;reading an ill-gotten magazine,and taking it's ill-gotten quiz,"Are You a Kleptomaniac?";along with wearing a GORGEOUS,new,black and white outfit that she had bought with her own money. Or,at least,that's what she said.  
  
You see,being one of the shortest,tiniest things on Irk had it's advantages. Namely,you could pilfer an entire mini-mall and go virtually undetected,because no one set their securaity cameras that low. Plus,she was cute. Nobody ever suspects someone that's small and cute.  
  
Nobody,except for the people she had decided to target. Especially Red and Purple,who were really starting to miss their triple-glazed,double-frosted doughnuts,which always seemed to disappear when she was on duty. Actually,they were missing one now...  
  
So,the two had collaborated in order to get rid of their little waitress-slash-theif,but,being in the middle of a galactic conquest undertaking,they found that she was becoming the least of their problems. Granted,they could just throw her to the malfunctioned SIR units. Although it woudn't be nearly as much fun...  
  
As what they had planned for her now.......  
  
&&  
  
Service Drone Steve wrung his hands. He hadn't liked the look on the Tallests' faces. Not at all. "Foi?"  
  
'CLANG!'  
  
"Gah! I was-I mean I...Eh? STEVE!!" his friend scowled at him,trying to hide her stolen goodies,"I told you never to sneak up on me!!"  
  
Steve smiled at the comical scene,until,of course,he remebered his duty,"It's a good thing I did. The Tallests have summoned you."  
  
" 'Summoned' ? Drop the formalities,pal! We're friends!"  
  
"Even so,Foi,this is our job."  
  
"Job shmob. I'm only in it for the doughnuts."  
  
"You are only in it because you are a natural-born Irken child with no better place to go. And those doughnuts aren't even yours!!"  
  
"They are once they're in my tummy."  
  
The creature merely shook his head,not wanting to start an argument. He never won when he did start one,anyway."Come on,Strange One,if I don't get you out there pronto it will be MY head you next serve to them on a platter."  
  
"Okay......Just let me finish this marzpe."  
  
"Now!!!"  
  
Steve had known Foi since she had first come to the massive. She was very young--an orphan. A disgraced,natural-born Irkeness who's only talent appeared to be stealing everything in sight. But she was more than that,he knew. Despite her childish-ness,thievery,and "If-it isn't-FUN-I-will-not-do-it" attitude,she was a loyal friend to those she liked...Steve,so far,being the only one on her list.  
  
And this is why he felt himself start to sweat,"I would...be cautious if I were you,Foi..."  
  
She noticed his dicomfort,"Why?"  
  
"I don't know...Just be careful."  
  
"O...kay." Foi tugged his antennae playfully,"You too. And,while you're at it,can you tell me if the new shipment of doughnuts is in?"  
  
"Foi!!"  
  
"Just kidding!"  
  
&&  
  
'Tap. Tap. Tap...'  
  
Purple nervously drummed his fingers against his armrest,adding to his friend's annoyance.  
  
Zim,however,was growing more joyous by the minute,"It must be a truly magnificent award!" he exulted to himself,"I mean,why else would it take this long?"  
  
&&  
  
"Foi! Hurry up!!"  
  
A thin scream echoed through the air,and she suddenly jumped out a doorway,wearing beautiful,shiny black new boots and gloves,"Feel how soft they are,Steve!! These are REAL sandae!!! Gorgeous,huh!?"  
  
He glared at her outstretched hand. "Come on."  
  
"Oh,fine. Squish my joy. Party pooper."  
  
&&  
  
'BAM!'  
  
"My Tallests-" Steve started.  
  
"Finally!" Red lept from his chair,"Bring h-IT in!"  
  
Zim looked about ready to burst open with excitement.  
  
"Zim,may I present to you..."  
  
Purple snickered.  
  
"An amazing present..."  
  
"Yeeesss..."  
  
"....Your new wife,FOI!"  
  
Red gestured to the entrance,where there stood a tiny,nearly GIR-sized Irken girl,obviously a natural-born. Her skin was a light,key-lime pie green;and her pink eyes looked exactly like two huge,strawberry-frosted sugar cookies.She had thick,black antennae that swirled down into cream-horn curls,reaching the middle of her shoulders.  
  
Zim froze.  
  
And stayed in that position.  
  
For a good ten minutes.  
  
And then...................  
  
He laughed.  
  
"Oh,my Tallests! This is too much! Why,I almost believed you there! This little SMEET,my WIFE!! Hahahaha--"  
  
Red smirked,"No...we're serious,Zim. Really"  
  
"--heh...Wha-?"  
  
"Yeah!" Purple snapped his fingers,"It isn't often done,but we're giving you the special honor!" His servant ('Servant Drone Skootch') handed him a piece of paper,which the Tallests promptly signed,"She's yours forever!!"  
  
"Yep! We never want her back!"  
  
"Keep her!"  
  
Both Zim and the girl were being shoved toward the exit and,just before they were unceremoniously chucked out,Purple yelled gleefully.  
  
"Enjoy your honeymoon!!!!!"  
  
&&  
  
'Bang,bang,bang,bang,BANG!'  
  
"My Tallests! My Tallests!! Please reconsider! With all due respect--I was only hoping for a trophy! An award! Something shinyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy!!!!!! PLEASE?!!"  
  
No one answered.  
  
"How!? How can they DO this to me??"  
  
Zim paced back and forth outside the massive,his rage seething and spewing like molten lava. "I don't understand! Why would the Tallests betray me like this?!"  
  
"Mmph." From atop his crazily parked voot runner,the little Irken girl shoved a snax-stick in her mouth and shrugged.  
  
"After all I did! I've been so LOYAL to the empire!!"  
  
Ripping open another bag of sweet treats,she nodded.  
  
"And THIS is my reward?!? I can't believe it! I...What...? Are you eating my candy?!?!?"  
  
&&&  
  
(Author's Note: Ah,sweet marital bliss...  
  
So,what so you think? I only hope the humor served to mask my atrocious writing skills..... To find out what 'snax-stix' and 'marzpe' are,read: "Independent Dependence",by me--FAITH!!!! Read it now!!  
  
TRIPLE-GLAZED,DOUBLE-FROSTED DOUGHNUTS to aaaaalllllllllll my reviewers!!!!!!!!!!  
  
And thank the Lord God,for giving me the inspiration for this!!) 


	2. Sweet Marital Bliss!

Part One: Sweet Marital Bliss  
  
(A/N:Hey there! Thankies to the nice people who have read my fic.! And STRAWBERREH FROSTED SUGAH COOKIES to aaallllllll my reviewers!! / )  
  
&&&  
  
6 MONTHS LATER:  
  
&&  
'SLAM!'  
  
"Master's home!! Master's home!!!"  
  
"Silence,GIR!!" Zim groaned,massaging his temples,"Can't you see I have a headache?!"  
  
The robot's head only lolled to the side,"Whozza' pretty giiiirrrllll?" it inquired,grinning at Foi,"She's so bee-oooo-ti-ful!!! Is she your girlfriend,Master??"  
  
'Master' spasmed,"Just leave me alone!!!!!"  
  
Needless to say,the ride home had not been pleasant. Zim had ranted himself into hyperventilation,and Foi had had to stop every few minutes for junkfood and treats,causing him further annoyance.  
  
Now,said Irken girl was peeking out of the attic window,gasping in delight."Wow! Is this where I'm gonna' live?"  
  
Since Zim was too miserable to even think of a sarcastic reply,he just grunted,"Yeh."  
  
"And all those cool lights!! Is that a city?!"  
  
"Yes! Would you please be-"  
  
But Foi was half-mad with glee,"Can I see the REST of the house!? Pretty please with marzpe on top?!?"  
  
"Yes!! Just go--GO!!!"  
  
"Aren't you coming with me?"  
  
"GET OUT!!!!"  
  
"Okay,okay-sheesh! C'mon,GIR-was it? I'm starving!! Where's the food?"  
  
"In da' kitchen!"  
  
"Then let us go!!"  
  
With a superhero's leap,Foi and the little robot bounded for the elevator,"Bye,Zimmy!" Foi called cheerily,"Hope you feel better!!"  
  
Zim whirled around,"How DARE you call me--"  
  
But they had already gone.  
  
"Zimmy..."  
  
He was married...  
  
And his wife was downstairs...  
  
Eating his food......AGAIN.  
  
Zim shuddered.  
  
&&  
  
"Doom,doom,doomy,doom,doooooommm-doom,doom,doom!!! De-doomy--"  
  
GIR swung his legs back and forth,happily watching Foi down another piece of siasche marzpe,"Doooo yoooouuu liiike it?" he droned.  
  
After fitting 2 large pieces into her tiny frame already,she must have.  
  
"This is even better than the marzpe the Tallests eat!!!! Where does Zim get this stuff?!"  
  
Told ya'.  
  
And,speaking of our other alien friend,he was nowhere to be seen.  
He had been spending the last four hours in his lab,tinkering with a newly invented,small metal box.....  
  
(No,it wasn't a murder weapon,though his temptation to make one was probably pretty high at the moment.)  
  
See,Zim had done some thinking. If he was going to be stuck with a wife,then the least he could do was to make her...fit in...somehow.  
  
Holding it up proudly,he reached for his microphone.  
  
&&  
  
"FOI!!!!"  
  
It was a good thing that she wasn't eating right then--she would've choked.  
  
"Foi? Get down here,immediatly!! "  
  
Poor,Foi. If only she knew what 'here' meant...or how to get there...or why Zim was so angry...or where exactly he HAD gotten that delicious marzpe.  
  
But she soon forgot her sorry state when the TV flickered on and her mate's face appeared,looking very irritated. "Down to the lab!! NOW!!!"  
  
"Hey,Zim--?"  
  
"And take the toilet,it's faster!"  
  
"Um,alright. Hey,Zim?"  
  
"What?!!"  
  
"Where DO you get that marzpe??"  
  
".......Just get down here."  
  
&&  
  
Foi immediately felt at home in the vast underground lab. It,unlike the rest of the house,was obviously Irken;with wide,well-ventilated rooms and bright metal walls colored in bright reds and purples.  
  
"Woooww! Is this my room?"  
  
"Hardly. But we'll get to that later. Right now,I need your cooperation. Here,hold this." Zim handed Foi a shiny,black and white box.  
  
"Hey! It matches my outfit!"  
  
"Yes,yes. Now,press the white button."  
  
Upon barely touching the creamy sphere,a bright beam shot out of the top of the box,stretching into a Holomatic (TM!) screen.  
  
'Snap!' went a blinding flash of light.  
  
"Agh! What on Irk?!" she cried,rubbing her newly sore eyes.  
  
A picture of Foi suddenly appeared on the luminous screen,along with the words 'Press Here',next to it. Pressing,Foi saw that her picture had morphed into that of a human girl's. One with long,black hair and violet eyes. "Cool!" Pressing again,there came another girl,strikingly similar to the last in features;but with short,curly blond hair and blue eyes.  
  
"It's your disguise." Zim explained. "I WAS going to use it for myself,but the thought of looking any more human SICKENS me. It would have been nice,I suppose...but you can have it."  
  
"Well I-thanks."  
  
He waved her off,"Just hit the white button again when you have selected the disguise you like best."  
  
She fiddled with it a moment,looking.  
  
Looking...  
  
Looking...  
  
Looooooookiiiiiiiiiiiinnnngggg.......  
  
"How 'bout you pick it out for me,Zimmy?"  
  
"Gladly!!!"  
  
And boy,did Zim pick! He picked and picked and picked!! He picked like it was nobody's pickin' BUSINESS!!!!! 'Picky McPick-Pick',they shoulda' called him! BOO-YA'!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
Okay,so it wasn't really all that exciting...  
  
"There,look!"  
  
Foi did,acknowledging Zim's semi-kind gesture of help and,holding the box up to him with all the thankfullness she could muster,said..."Pick again."  
  
&&  
  
ONE EXTREMELY ANNOYED ZIM LATER....  
  
&&  
  
Foi spun around in front of a huge mirror,grinning. She now wore a human disguise,consisting of fair skin;milk chocolate icing brown hair (straight and then flaring at her shoulders);chocolate iceing brown eyes;and her trademark,black and white outfit.  
  
"At last." Zim muttered,leaning tiredly against his worktable for support,"Now that you are FINALLY prepared,I can take you into town tomorrow." he sighed,"My supplies are running low."  
  
"Town?"  
  
"A human word,but I'll give you the basics in the morning. Right now...you need rest,as do I."  
  
"Where do I sleep?"  
  
Hmm...Where indeed. In the six months it had taken to get to earth,Zim had been too furious to take much into consideration...including where his recently added,'Object of Irritation' was going to sleep. It was only when she had first seen his lab,saying,"Is this my room?" had the thought even entered his mind.  
  
But now,with a gleam of confidance in his eye,he led Foi toward the elevator...  
  
&&  
  
"It was originally MY room,but,after discovering that I slept much better in my lab,I just shut it up and forgot about it."  
  
The room was large,probably the largest in the house-portion of his base,with walls the color of wine and littered with the Irken logo. A humongous bed lay in the corner,and a recliner chair by the door.  
  
"Cool..."  
  
At the sincerity in Foi's voice,he softly glanced at her,"Not bad,eh?"  
  
"Nope. And it'll look even better once it's totally redone!!"  
  
"I--WHAT?!?"  
  
"Oh yeah!" Foi beamed,female mind already stuck in 'Must-Obliterate-Any-Evidence-A-Man-Was-Here' mode. "I'm gonna' paint the walls pink and get a super-soft bed and decorate everything in pretty hearts!!! I love hearts..."  
  
So,yet again,what could have been a bonding moment between husband and wife was ruined by interior decorating. One month later,Foi had her dream room,with frosting pink walls and hearts everywhere. It was reeeeaally pretty...and pink-lookin'.  
  
But,tonight,Foi would learn the wonderful joys of sleeping outdoors......on the front stepps.  
  
&&&  
  
((Author's Note: Woo! That was...well,not easy. But not too hard either. Man,people who say humor isn't tough to write have never written it! Or...they have too much talent...and then they just have to be destroyed.  
  
Dib:Hey!!  
  
What?! Who--? Oh! Hey,Dib! ........What's wrong with you?  
  
Dib:What's wrong? What's wrong?! You've written two chapters already and I haven't shown up once!!! What kind of ZIM fic. is that?!  
  
The good kind.  
  
Dib:(hurt) Wha--?  
  
Just messin' with ya'.Dibbeh! You'll be in here...somewhere...I guess....  
  
Dib:(sarcastic) How thoughtful.  
  
Hey! I write as God gives me inspiration!! Be patient!!!  
  
Dib:Patient...phht.  
  
Anyway,please R&R!! See ya'!  
  
Dib:Hey!!! I'm not finis--- )) 


	3. Life Lessons A'la Mode!

Part Two: Life Lessons A'la Mode  
  
&&&  
( Author's Note: I was absolutely SHELL SHOCKED with the amount of reviews I got! .....I only expected three. Five tops. And here I have NINE!!! (Eleven, if you count Peggi and Krissy 119's lost reviews.) I prayed for it, though! And God answered my prayer!  
  
You guys are so sweet, and I hope none of my chapters let you down at all.... I want to make ya' happy!!  
  
And so, on with 'da fic.!! )  
  
&&&  
  
The sun rose softly against a background of muted grays. And with it, came a contented sigh.  
  
Foi sat on the front stepp--last night's bed, thanks to her big mouth--watching the phenomenon unfold.  
  
Ever since she had been a smeet, she had lived in space. Never on a planet, always on a ship. Foi was used to the bleakness of the etherium, the piercing twinkle of stars and distant galaxes--not a huge, bright orange orb coming over a horizon.  
  
....It was actually pretty cool looking.  
  
The sound of the front door slamming behind her brought her out of the unchararistically deep reverie...or maybe it was all those beautiful frosted cupcakes in her head... Yeah...  
  
Anyway...  
  
"HIIIII!!!!!! Wha'choo' doin' out here?!" GIR squealed, causing Foi's magical head cupcakes to flee in terror. "OUT HERE!!!??"  
  
"Nothing much." Now sane again, she noticed the little robot was in his green doggy diguise. "Where're you going?"  
  
"Gettin me a SuckMonkey!!!!"  
  
"A SuckMonkey? What's that?"  
  
"You suck da' monk-eh and the freezy comes out!!!"  
  
Foi giggled, "Hey, can I come with you?"  
  
He paused at the fence, looking back gleefully, "Come get SUCKMONKEY?!?!"  
  
"Well, I don't think I can actually GET one...but I can watch you drink yours...I guess... And you can show me around Earth!!"  
  
" 'Kay! Y'know, Master doesn't like SuckMonkeys!! He hates them!!! 'Specially when you pour 'em on his----"  
  
"Hey, GIR?"  
  
"YESSA'!?!"  
  
"Zim won't mind that we left, will he? I mean, I'm all in disguise and stuff..."  
  
"Nah!! He don't care!!!"  
  
&&  
  
It was a good thing that the two were out of hearing range at that moment. Words like the ones Zim was yelling could set a frozen SuckMonkey ablaze.  
  
Upon coming up from his lab, he had discovered (to his horror) that Foi was not where he had violently thrown her the night before! Looking throughout the house, he found a note that might explain why... :  
  
' Mstrr!!!  
  
gom 2 gut sookmanky!!!!!!!!! b bekke son!!!!! quhsbsfsheekusplot!!!!!!  
  
luv!! GIR '  
  
His first thought was that his sidekick was in desperate need of an implanted spellcheck, but then his worries went beyond that. After all, it was only logical to assume that Foi had gone with that dumb piece of scrap metal--but who knew WHERE, or HOW long they had been gone?? GIR could have led her to Mexico by now in search of burritos!!!!! STUPID, STUPID, STUPID!!!!!!!!!!   
  
Then there was the OTHER possibility. One that frightened Zim even more.......  
  
Foi had run away.  
  
It could have happened, right? He HAD kicked her out on the sidewalk....... No! No regrets!! But, what would he tell the Tallests if they checked in to see if she was alright?! He could see it now......  
  
' "So, Zim, how is that mate we entrusted to you because we knew you'd take excellent care of her and stuff?"  
  
Zim figited nervously... "Oh, um, well...the thing is...I sorta'...lost her..."  
  
His Tallests looked at him angrily. Purple shook his head, "You stink! Don't call us again ever and stuff!!!!"  
  
"NOOOOO!!!!" the Invader cried, before falling to the floor and writhing pathetically, "WHY MUST THIS BEEEE??!!!!!!!!!!!!" '  
  
Never!! He would NOT be humiliated in front of his leaders! Runaway or not, Foi had to learn who was boss---ZIM!!!!  
  
Still muttering curses, he stalked out the door.  
  
&&  
  
Laughter rang throughout the crisp fall air as two figures raced down a deserted sidestreet, crunching the dead leaves happily as they went.  
  
Sunshine was a beautiful thing.  
  
GIR twirled, the frozen concoction inside his cup slogging, "Chocolate Peanut Butteeeeerrrrrr!!!!" He screeched. Beside him, Foi was sprinting down the sidewalk and giggling; lost in the moment. "Chocolate Peanut Butteeeeerrrr!!" She echoed, suddenly stopping to gaze at a hideous carved pumpkin. "Hey, GIR! What is that?"  
  
"Issa' Jackerlant'n!!!" He slurred giddily, "It keeps da' Holloweenies away!!"  
  
"Holloweenies?"  
  
"Ghosties!!!"  
  
"Do you believe in ghosts, GIR?"  
  
"Uh-huh!!"  
  
"Me too!!!"  
  
Once again in hysterics, the two collapsed in a huge pyramid of firey red foliage, "Earth is cool...." Foi finally managed, "It's too bad Zim has to destroy it."  
  
"Hmm...."  
  
"I guess it doesn't really matter, though. I mean, as long as we're enjoying it now. Besides, after Earth's gone, I'm sure Zim'll find us a better place to live!"  
  
"SuckMonkey!!!!"  
  
She snickered, and the two lay in silence once again. "....You think Master's up yet?" GIR asked lazily, lolling his shiny head to the side.  
  
"I don't know, why don't you ask him?"  
  
The suggestion was not from his new pal.  
  
No.  
  
It was coming from one extremely irate invader.  
  
"Zim?" Foi sat up in surprise, "What are you doing here?"  
  
Poor Foi, if only she were not so oblivious.....  
  
Her mate's voice was dealthly quiet... "What am I doing? What am I DOING?!!" and then it rose to, 'Gah-My-Ears-Are-Bleeeediiinnnggg!!!!!' levels; causing a car alarm to go off and several small animals nearby to explode messily.   
  
"Mm....."  
  
"-I- have been going all through this DISGUSTING city LOOKING for YOU!!!!!!" He spat, "Where have you BEEN?!?!"  
  
Both GIR and Foi casually replied with the most overused word in this chapter: "SuckMonkey."  
  
Zim twitched in near explodey-ness, "Who said you could go, Foi? Huh? WHO?!"  
  
"My magical head cupcakes!!! They know ALL!!"  
  
"Well, tell your 'Magic Head Cupcakes' that the next time you leave without my premission.... I will personally dump a bucket of WATER OVER YOU!!!!!!!"  
  
"SuckMonkey water?!"  
  
"Be quiet, GIR!!!"  
  
Foi looked at her little companion in confusion, "But... GIR told me you wouldn't mind if I left!"  
  
"Foi... GIR is insane!!"  
  
The two Irkens watched as the little robot stared vacantly into space, as if listening to magical head cupcakes of his own....  
  
Which, in reality, he probably was.  
  
Zim rolled his eyes, utterly annoyed, "Just don't run off again! Alright?!"  
  
"Mm'kay!"  
  
With one more disgusted flick of his antennae, he motioned for his mate to follow him. "Come along."  
  
"Hey, Zim! My cupcakes just reminded me of something!!"  
  
"What now?"  
  
"I saw a horrible Jackerlant'n thingy today!" She chirped merrily, "It was really ugly... Looked just like you!"  
  
&&  
  
High up in a dry old tree, a black trenchcoat rustled ominously..........  
  
Maybe because it was the only thing IN the tree.  
  
"Man, Gaz! I can't believe you!!"  
  
Down below the 'ominous' trenchcoat stood a shivering, spikey-haired boy in a blue shirt.  
  
"I told you you'd pay for my soda!!!" Afore mentioned sister yelled back.  
  
"That was a WEEK ago!!"  
  
"Next time I'll just decapitate you on the spot!!! You like that better?!!"  
  
Growling, Dib straddled the tree and began his grueling climb to the top. It wasn't until halfway up, though, that he heard the voices...  
  
"Foi, keep up!!!"  
  
"When I get home, can I have some siasche marzpe?!"  
  
"TAAACCOOOOSSSS!!!!!!!"  
  
He almost fell in surprise. He knew those voices! ...Well, the first and last, anyway.  
  
ZIM!!!  
  
After a whole year, the alien menace was back! And, from what Dib could see, he had brought a friend. A pretty, chocolate-haired girl that couldn't have even been Gaz's hieght.  
  
Now, Dib, being Dib, decided to execute one of his trademark, 'Spankin' Dib Moves!!!'. Namely,the 'jump-and-roll-landing-expertly-on-your-feet-in-front-of-your-enemy' move, as seen in "Rise of the Zit-Boy", only with a bit more class.  
  
Unfortunatly, Dib, being Dib, forgot that humans are only capable of so much. Namely, they cannot jump from the tops of high trees with the grace of a flying squirrel.  
  
In fact, they aren't that graceful at all.  
  
Zim and Foi watched in wonder and amusement--Oh! SO much amusement!!--as a big-headed boy, tangled in black cloth and twigs, flopped face-down on the cement walk before them.  
  
But, since this is a cartoon, Dib was not seriously injured. Didn't even have a nosebleed. Woo-boy, I wish I were a cartoon!!   
  
He stood up, trenchcoat in hand, and looked his rival in the eye, "Zim..."  
  
Said Zim narrowed his eyes, sorely disappionted that his arch enemy was still alive. "Dib-human..."  
  
Foi, sensing something momentous was about to happen, naturally consulted her magical frosted cupcakes, "I wish I had some marzpe, Lemon... No, Vanilla, that's a stupid idea.... Yeah, you're right Strawberry..."  
  
Meanwhile, GIR danced gleefully in the background.  
  
"SUCKMONKEY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"  
  
&&&  
  
(Author's Note: Yay!! 'Dis chapter took FOREVER to write. Mainly because I had one version all written, hated it, and then wrote an entirely new one. Oh well. I like this one much better, so it worked out! Thank You, Lord!!  
  
Dib: (Just gets done reading Part 2.) HEY!!!  
  
What? I put you in it!  
  
Dib: You made me look STUPID!!!!!  
  
What?? When?  
  
Dib: "Dib, being Dib, decided to execute one of his 'Spankin' Dib Moves!!!' "?! "Unfortunatly, Dib, being Dib, forgot not to jump out of a TREE."?!  
  
I didn't write it that way. And besides, you WOULD have jumped, I know you.  
  
Dib: LIES!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
Once again, faithful readers, R&R!! Yummy, MAGIC FROSTED CUPCAKES to you aaallll!!! And Dib'll be okay soon. Him sufferin' from denial. Aren't ya', Dibby?  
  
Dib: .....You jerk. ) 


	4. Dib The Homicidal Maniac!

Part 3: 'Dib The Homicidal Maniac'  
&&&  
  
(Author's Note: Woo! FINALLY!!!!!! Sorry it took me FOREVER to update. I don't really have any excuse except for....laziness.... and that I have been uploading (downloading?) pictures for the net. I hope to have a Side 7 gallery sometime soon... Anyway, the Lord has blessed me with new inspiration for the fic. So here it is! Yay!!  
  
And for Luver-Of-Ralts!!! --- Hands L.O.R. a huge ice-cream sundae with about a dozen cherries on top. --- 'Dat fo' you!!! And ICE-CREAM SUNDAES WITH CHERRIES GALORE for ALL my reviewers!!!!!! Enjoy!! )  
  
&&&  
  
A year. A whole year.  
  
It had started on a...tuesday, he believed. Zim hadn't shown up at skool. Dib had been suspicious, but dismissed it.  
  
Then more days went by, with no sign of Zim anywhere. No yelled threats from the tops of invisible robots, no evil doomsday devices... not even a tack in a chair.  
  
The boy had gone to Zim's house to investigate--it wasn't like Zim to be absent from the outside world THIS long.  
  
Upon reaching the front fence, Dib had a strange, sinking feeling. The dwelling looked oddly...dead. No longer lit by a spooky green glow, it's windows were pitch black. Not even the T.V.'s faint blue flicker shown out through their panels.  
  
Disturbed, Dib had walked home, vowing to spy on that stupid lair every day until Zim reappeared.  
  
A week passed, and the base remained silent. Surely the dumb little robot would have to have gone out to get a brainfreezy, or tacos, or candy, or SOMETHING by now!!!!  
  
But the camera Dib had set up across the street a week before said no.  
  
Taking his chances, the paranormal boy had raced into the yard and up to his enemy's front door. Surprisingly, the nomes did nothing to stop him.  
  
They just sat there, as lifeless as the rest.  
  
"ZIM!!!" He pounded on the cold metal, "Zim, you pile of scum! I know you're in there!!"  
  
Silence.  
  
"Okay, you're just ASKING for it now!!!"  
  
Dib reached into his backpack, yanking out a heavy text-book.  
  
"FINE!!!!"  
  
Expecting a thousand alarms to go off, he hurled it into the nearest window.  
  
'SMASH!!!!'  
  
He waited.  
  
Nothing.   
  
For a moment, he hesitated. But when Zim didn't run out squealing at him, he kicked out the rest of the glass and jumped into the living room.....  
  
"What the--?!"  
  
This was a trap!! It had to be! Why would Zim have gotten rid of all his computer systems?!  
  
Upon inspection, however, he found the rest of the home was the same. He had tried to get down into the labs, but found all the entrances firmly welded shut. Obviously, Zim had wanted to erase all evidence of this being anything other than a normal, deserted old house.  
  
What happened? Dib stood in his arch rival's former home sadly. Why would Zim just up and leave? No fight, no surrender, not even a cold goodbye.  
  
More importantly, where had he gone? Back to Irk? Or had he found a different, better planet to doom?  
  
Dib spent the rest of his skool-year in a miserable state, becoming almost 'normal' in society's eyes. He decided that it wasn't worth it...tracking Zim down. Wherever the alien had gone, he'd gone there for a reason, and it was probably lightyears away.  
  
He would have to face it: Zim just wasn't coming back...  
  
&&  
  
The fact that his enemy had returned thrilled Dib.  
  
The fact that his enemy had him strapped to some kind of sparking device...  
  
Far less thrilling.  
  
But, on a more pleasant note, he had FINALLY figured out why Zim left. Oh, yes. After capturing his nemesis, the Irken had ranted endlessly about how the amazing ZIM had been oh-so-terribly wronged.  
  
From as much as Dib could see, though, he felt far more sorry for the new wife. It was blatantly obvious that she held even less a position in Zim's eyes than that daft robot, GIR. She didn't seem to notice, however. What was her name again...?   
  
"FOI!!! Don't you DARE touch that equipment!!"  
  
Oh yeah.  
  
Foi. What a weird name. Well, 'Zim' wasn't exactly orthodox either... But really, she definitely wasn't what he had pictured Zim would have for a mate. Well... he'd actually never pictured Zim WITH a mate... But if he had, it certainly wouldn't have been her.  
  
Then again...  
  
Tiny, cute, and SHORT. It made sense. The only reason Zim could even remotely tolerate Foi was because (in his and every other Irken's standerds) he would always be lord over her. Just like with GIR; just like how he wanted to be over earth. How could he stand her otherwise?  
  
He couldn't.  
  
Little did Dib know about Foi being a "Natural-Born". The absence of a metal P.A.K. on her body should have given him a clue, though. It would have sealed his case.  
  
Right now, Foi was sitting on the floor with GIR, munching on some type of frosted cookies. "So, you dress up like a halloweeny... and steal candy?"  
  
"Nuh-huh!!!!"  
  
"Cool!!"  
  
Dib snorted, "That is NOT what Halloween is abo--"  
  
"SILENCE!"  
  
Zim's irate growl echoed throughout the chamber, silencing the boy's protest. "So, interfering DIB-beast, what do you think of my new, IMPROVED base?"  
  
"It's okay, I guess, but---WAITAMINUTE!!!! What are you gonna' do to me?!!"  
  
The alien burst into an ear-shattering round of high-pitched cackling, "Pathetic, ignorant, worm-baby!! I was expecting you to ask that sooner or later, and I have prepared for it in full!!! Now, prepare YOURSELF, Dib---for your horrible DOOM!!!!!!!"  
  
Grinning like a madman, Zim raised his index finger high over a glowing blue button.  
  
"G'BYE, DIB!!!!!!!!!"  
  
And, with a spectacular flash of blinding white light, Dib's body sizzled, melting down into a slick, slimy paste, which oozed gruesomely onto the cold metal floor!!  
  
"Eh?!"  
  
Or, at least, that's what SHOULD have happened.  
  
Unfortunatly (for Zim), the little Irken's plan ended up like most of his plans ended up--  
  
A rather un-spectacular failure.  
  
He stood, stupified, gaping in awe before---  
  
"WHAT HAPPENED?!!?!!"  
  
Glancing behind him, Dib saw the reason his almost-murderer's machine had been sparking earlier: A spilled cup of thick, yellow-white fliud.  
  
"My 'Lemon and Salt' 'freezy!!!!" A certain little android cried out in dismay,"Why do 'dis be?!?!"  
  
"GIIIIIIIIRRRR!!!! How could you?!! You KNEW that was a restricted area!"  
  
"I did?"  
  
"AAARRRGGHHH!!!! You stupid robot!!!!"  
  
&&  
  
Poor GIR.  
  
In retrospect, it probably would have been a better idea to have kept his mouth shut.....  
  
As if GIR had retrospect.  
  
Fortunatly, as far as punishments went, this wasn't so bad. Better than that 'dog skool' Master had taken him to that time. Eek. They didn't even serve Brainfreezies there!!!  
  
Braaaiiiinnnfffrrreeezzzzyyyy....... He wished he had one right now.  
  
But..... Didn't that have something to do with why he was facing the wall? Being made to sit (shudder) STILL for five seconds? He couldn't remember.  
  
Wait... Remember what? Hmmm.....  
  
Oh yeah!!!  
  
"MASTER!!! Can I have a Brainfreezy?!?!"  
  
"NO!!!!!!!"  
  
&&  
  
Meanwhile, Foi was having a lively conversation with her husband's hated rival.  
  
"So... what are you going as for Halloween? I mean, if Zim doesn't kill you and all?"  
  
He shrugged, apparently unfazed at being chained to a wall. "Ah, I was thinkin' of dressing up as a monster or a zombie or somethin'."  
  
"Really? 'Cause you'd make a great homicidal maniac."  
  
"Homicidal maniac??"  
  
"Oh yeah! Just wear dark clothes, get some fake knives and blood --BOOM!!-- you're a bonafide serial killer!!"  
  
" 'Dib The Homicidal Maniac'. Heh... It has a cool ring to it. So...What are you going as?"  
  
"Strawberry-Frosted Cupcake!!!"  
  
"Uh... huh..."  
  
&&&  
  
(A/N: Woo! My back's in paaaaiiiiiinnnnn.... But it's worth it!! Hope you guys forgive me for being so late. It shouldn't --Lord willing-- happen again. I've already started up the next chapter ...  
  
Dib: Well, at least I sounded cool.  
  
Indeed.  
  
Dib: Thanks.  
  
Yup.  
  
Dib: There'll be more of me in the next chapter, right?  
  
(Suddenly spooky) Oh, yeeeesssss...  
  
Dib: Why do you sound all... creepy?  
  
No reeeeaaaasooonn...  
  
Dib: (Gasp) You're gonna' do something horrible to me, aren't you!!!  
  
Of course noooottttt...  
  
Dib: GAH!!!! You ARE!  
  
Hee-hee, you worry too much, mah paraniod friend. Anyway--  
  
Dib: I am NOT paranoid!!!  
  
.....You're in denial again.  
  
But things ARE gonna' be heatin' up pretty soon--and not just for Dib.  
  
Dib: I knew it!!!!!!  
  
See you soon, friends!! R&R!!! ) 


	5. The Latest Chapter EVER!

Chapter 4: The Latest Chapter EVER!

-

(A/N: Hey, everyone! Long time no see, huh? I've had quite an...interesting few months. First, my computer broke, then my cousin (whom I've known most of my life) died. THEN I had a bad cold that put me in bed for a full day, into the emergency room twice, and out of comission for who knows how long... And then I got into a Yu-Gi-Oh hype... which I'm still in. I've also been real into 'Fruits Basket', as my frequent trips to Barnes and Noble can testify to. And THEN... Well... You get the picture. I was distracted. But The Lord is gracious, and at least I've been able to write another chapter. I don't want you guys to lose interest!

And in other news...

Maran Zelde... reviewed MY fic.! MINE! (faints) Holy COW! Welcome, Maran, welcome! 

You guys are all VERY much appreciated. I love your comments and encouragements. You've let me know that my writing really does matter to somebody out there... THANK YOU. (And I'm sorry about that STUPID "trailer" thingy I put up. I wasn't myself when I did that. PLEASE forgive me!) 

And to a few of you-I would accept a beta reader if I had many more chapters to post, but the story is nearly finished. Thank you anyway, I really am touched that you'd care enough to do that for me. Kudos-MANY kudos-to you! 

Oh, and if there seems to be a lack of exclamation points and question marks where there should be many, blame this site, not me. It keeps warping my text. 

So, without further ado...

CANDY and CARAMEL APPLES to ALL my patient reviewers!)

-

Dib 'Whatever-His-Last-Name-Was' was not happy. You wouldn't be either, if you had been strapped to a hover disk for over 24 hours. Without food... Without water...

Without a BATHROOM BREAK.

He winced.

Zim, once discovering that Dib and Foi had been chatting together, had placed the paranormal boy in solitary confinement-after zapping him repeatedly with a taser first. Eeesh, that alien had a temper.

So, here he was, trapped and certain that Gaz wouldn't be coming around to save him any time soon.

All alone...

"HA, Mr. Smelly-Brain! I WIIIIIIINNNNN!"

"Oink!"

Except for those two.

"C'mon, PAY UP!"

Pig grunted in fury, throwing the quarter so violently that it lodged in the little andriod's grinning face.

"Best four-hundred-and-eighty outta' sixty-threeeeee?" GIR crooned.

'Those two', however, were Dib's only ticket out of this place.

If his plan worked correctly, that is...

He turned toward them, a sly smirk on his lips, "So, what're ya' playin'?"

They looked up at him, then blankly at the assortment of cheese curls, watermelon rinds, socks, and feathers that littered the floor. GIR slurped nonchalantly on his 'Liver and Beets' Suckmonkey, which had somehow manifested itself out of thin air, as many things in the cartoon world do. "We dunooooooo'."

Perfect. "I could teach you guys a game..." He sighed sadly, "...but I don't think you'd be intereste-"

"WHAT'S THE GAME? WHAT IZZIT'?"

"Well, it's called 'Unstrap Dib'. You ever played it before?"

"YES!"

"Oh. ...Wait a minute! No, you haven't!"

"YOU MEAN IT'S ALL A LIE?"

"Ye- No- What are you? Do you wanna' play or what?"

"Yeah!"

He sighed heavily, trying to keep his cool. "Okay, first you have to unstrap my hands."

To his amazement, GIR and Pig happily complied, and Dib's wrists began to ache as blood flowed to them once more. "Alright, now my stomach..."

The security code was punched, followed by an audible 'Click!', and Dib sat up. "Great! Now the feet!"

"Okee dokee!"

'Click!'

"Yes!" Triumphant, our hero jumped off the hover disk, accidently cracking an unsuspecting Pig's spine with his boot. "Oops... Sorry."

"...Oink..."

"I win!" GIR jumped up and down eagerly, "What'd I win? WHAT'D I WIN?"

"Um...uh..." Thinking fast, Dib pulled the quarter from GIR's skull, holding it in front of the little robot's delighted eyes, "You win this!"

"YAY!"

Then hostage number 003 (Dib) took off for the (DIB!) exit. "Bye, guys! Thanks!"

Without a second thought, the android giddily waved good-bye to his master's former prisoner." See ya' late-ah, Mr. Big-Head! Let's go make some biscits, Pig!"

-

"WHY?"

GIR paused, cyan eyes narrowing in thought. Beside him stood Pig, who, at the moment, was desperatly glancing at the front door.

And, in front of him, trembling with not-very-pent-up-rage, seethed his master, clutching an empty hover disk. "WHY DID YOU LET HIM GO?"

"My magical head burritos! They TOLD me to!"

For a moment, it was unclear whether Zim was going to explode or burst into tears.

Had he been less prideful, I'm certain he would have chosen the latter.

But ZIM, being ZIM, did the only natural ZIM thing to do...

-

The Massive pitched violently, flinging it's occupants to and fro accross the room.

Red clambered over the computer bay. "What's happening?"

"It's some kind of high-pitched sound-wave attack, Sir!"

"Activate the defence shields!"

"Right away!"

-

In Zim's kitchen, Foi gripped her bowl of 'Space Macaroni and Cheese-Extra Cheese-eh!' for dear life, mouth agape.

-

"-AAAAAHHHHHHH!"

The silence following Zim's outburst was comparable to the silence following a tornado.

As was the debris. Foi, fingers still clenched around the sides of her bowl, peered around the corner at her shaking husband. "Z-Zim? What happened?"

Anyone with half a brain would not have asked the invader such a question, and anybody with a tiny crumb floating around in their skull would have backed away at the look he gave her.

But she stayed.

Zim's glare intensified at his wife's obvious lack of brain meats. "Oh, NOTHING. These two MOOSES just freed the DIB-monkey, that's all!" A thoughtful look crossed his irate face. "Luckily, he had a tracker implanted on him, so, unless they SCREWED THAT UP-" GIR and a newly-traumitized Pig winced, "I should be able to find him AND BRING HIM BACK!" 

The alien plugged a tiny device into the side of the wall, "Computer! Display!"

A heavy sigh echoed from above, "Yes, 'Master'." followed by a muttered, " ...when do I get a break, huh? WHEN?"

The television screen blinked, a map of the city appearing in bright blue with one little moving dot in red. Zim murmered. "It appears that he's gone home. NO MATTER! I'll go after him! And he shall suffer! SUFFER SO MUCH!"

With that, he marched towards the elevator triumphantly.

Foi shrugged, changing the channel and shoving a spoonful of delicious space macaroni and cheese into her mouth. "Well, have fun."

The Irken stopped mid-march, "Oh, and that reminds me. Weren't YOU the one I left in charge of GIR?"

From behind her spoon, Foi's face paled.

Zim's hand closed over her wrist, yanking her behind him, "You're coming WITH me!"

"AAAAAWWWWWWWW...!"

- 

Dib cackled. Oh, how he cackled! Stupid Zim. Did that alien honestly think that Dib wouldn't find the huge metal box attached to his ankle! (Nevermind the 'GIR-On-The-Back-Of-His-Head-For-Half-Of-The-TAK-Episode' incident.)

But now, the tables had turned, and when Zim came to Dib's house to find him-and Zim WOULD come, that jerk-all he would get would be an abandoned tracker lying on Dib's bed. Meanwhile, said Dib would be far away at the City Center Mall, buying more disks for his recording drives and getting some new pictures of Zim developed.

...And maybe checking out some 'Homicidal Maniac' costume... stuff...

-

"GAH! Hideous DIB!"

Zim and Foi stood in the paranormal boy's empty room; the former holding up a VERY large, VERY noticable metal box, "How did he even know it was there!"

Foi, for the VERY first time, did the wise thing: She stayed silent. 

"He doesn't honestly think I can be outsmarted THAT easily, does he!" Her mate continued darkly, "Oh no. There is more than ONE way to get my hands on that grubby, miserible little PIG." 

At Zim's villiany threat, thunder echoed across the heavens! Lightning lit up the sky! Rain poured from above! Shadows crept over the land! Some old guy choked on a jelly-bean! And...AND!

"Dib's a PIG?"

"Be quiet, Foi."

-

Gaz was annoyed.

True, that's like saying, "Water is wet.", "Babies are cute.", or "Pie is yummy!" But today...Today she was even MORE annoyed than USUAL..

Can you guess why? 

"I demand to know where the Dib-stink is!" 

I bet my sweet magical head cupcakes you can.

"Where! Where! TELL ME NOW"

-

(ONE HOUR EARLIER:

Dib stood in front of her, a serious look on his face. It was the annoying look he got when he was on one of his annoying 'I-Must-Save-The-World!' rants.

"I have to get out of here, Gaz! If anything happens, come get me! I'll be at the mall, but do NOT tell Zim that! Not under ANY circumstances! Do you understand? DO NOT TELL HIM I'M AT THE MAAAAAAALLLLLLLLLL!" )

-

She twitched.

"He's at the mall. Now get out and never come back!"

Zim raised his arms in victory, then grabbed his mate (yes, Gaz had had the 'pleasure' of meeting Foi) by the collar and marched to the door.

"I'm coming, Stink-Human! You won't get away from ZIM!"

- 

(A/N: WOO! The next chapter is-Lord willing-on the way! PEACE OUT!) 


	6. Are YOU A Maniac?

Part 5: Are YOU a Maniac? 

2--

(A/N: Hey, everyone! I'd like to apologize for the lateness. I REALLY AM SORRY. I have been busy working on several pieces--three for this site, one to perhaps publish in the regular world.

THAT'S why I have been so late. I feel bad, yes. But I can't force myself to grunt out horrible chapters-- you'd just critisize me for that too.

Thank you, those who did review. I am very grateful.

OATMEAL-RAISEN COOKIES FOR ALL MY REVIEWERS!)

2--

"Buy. Buy. Buy. Buy. BUY." The robotic monotone echoed from the top of the high ceiling as Zim and Foi walked through the mall. Well, actually, Foi was can-canning through the mall. Why? Because she CAN!

Ahahahahaha!

...Whatever.

Anywho, Zim was too busy to notice his mate's mad dancin' skillz. He was searching for his arch-enemy...TOGA-MAN! The horrible guy who stole his latest plan for world conquest!

...Just kidding! He was searching for Dib.

I mean, did you REALLY think he was searching for some man in a TOGA? Oh, you odd, odd person. I PITY YOU!

"He's close... I can smell his wretched...stink." Zim hissed menecingly. "It's horrible."

"Oof!" Foi ran into an 'Ugly Pants' display, as she had been can-canning backwards for the last three sentences.

"Be careful!" Zim yelled in horror, pulling her out from all those ugly, ugly pants. "You'll crack your head open and explode!"

Foi smiled, amusement in her eyes.

This he noticed, and he glared at her. "What?"

"Nothin'..."

"WHAT?"

She giggled, "You sound like an over-protective dad!"

Zim had NEVER been so offended as was in those two seconds.

"Let's just go." he growled.

She began can-canning once more...

"AND STOP THAT!"

2-- 

The woman sighed heavily, "'Greg's Horrible Costume Shop That's Full of Crap'. how may I...ugh...HELP you?"

"Um, hi. I'm looking for some kind of Homicidal Maniac outfit."

"Yay for you."

"Uh...can't you help me?"

She groaned, "Whaaaaateeeeeevvvvveeeeeerrrrrrr..."

AND SO SHE (grudgingly) DID. Dib was ever-so fascinated by the outfits she (grudgingly) showed to him, but his eyes finally locked upon a black and white shirt with a 'Z?' symbol on the front, a pair of black and white striped pants, and HUGE, knee-high boots with silver straps. "That one!" he exclaimed with the kind of glee that only homicidal-maniacs-in-training can muster. 

"Will that--hopefully-- be all, Sir?" she groaned.

"Um, yeah..."

"One hundred and eighty dollars."

"WHAT? That's a rip-off, you know!" he cried as he handed her the money. "The whole outfit's worth only sixty bucks at the most!"

"Yeah, well, stinks to be you. Do you want some kind of sewing kit with that?"

"Uh...no. Why?"

"Because that collar's gonna' rip as soon as you try to fit your big head in there."

Dib had NEVER been so offended as he was in tho-- well...actually...he HAD been so offended before... Ah, well...

Stinks to be him.

2--

"MICE!"

Foi caught her husband as he descended from a four foot leap. All across the floor of 'Smelly Animals R' Us', mice crawled-- the result of Foi's over-abundance of curiosity.

"I didn't know they were so fast." She commented calmly as Zim tried to regain what was left of his shattered dignity.

"Well, next time, don't open all the cages to FIND OUT!" he cried, kicking several vermin out of his way.

"Hm..."

"What are YOU doing here?"

Both aliens (and about three-hundred rodents) looked up to see Dib, mouth agape, at the door of the shop.

Foi pointed to the bag in his hand, "You got a costume! Can I see?"

"Huh? Oh, yeah! Sure! I used YOUR idea, so it... WAIT!" he turned to Zim, "What are YOU doing here?"

Zim shrugged. "Your sister told us you were at the mall."

Dib rolled his eyes, "Gaz..."

"And so I came to destroy you! EAT SOME APOCOLYPTIC DOOOOOMMMM!" With that, Zim scooped up a rodent, gave a vicious shriek, and chucked it at his enemy's gigantic cranium.

Revolted and furious, the paranormal investigator picked up his own mouse, launching it at Zim's face. "Take THAT, alien SCUM!"

"Stink-Beast!"

"Green-Face!"

"Moose-Monkey!"

"Jerk-Brain!"

The mice flew, landing with thuds, splats, and thumps against the two throwers and anything else in their way. Foi, meanwhile, had left the store and was now at 'Daiwwy Kween', picking GIR up a 'CHOCOLATE-FUDGE-BROWNIE-CHIP-ICE-CREAM-EXPLODEY-TUB-OF-CHOCOLATE-CHUNKS-AND-CHOCOLATE-GOO'! Man, I wish I had me one a' those babies!

Don't YOU want one?

Well, if you review, I MIGHT just got to Daiwwy Kween and get it for you. Give me your address and two-hundred bucks, 'cause that's what they cost.

2-- 

The pet-shop war had reached maximum levels, and now ANYTHING was counted as ammo. Dogs, cats, rabbits (there goes Filler Bunny), small children, that creepy old guy with no legs...you name it, they threw it. The store's owner telephoned 9-1-1, right before he was imbedded into Dib's torso.

"You just couldn't let things be, could you?" Zim ranted, "You just HAD to follow me to the mall and start throwing mice at me!"

"YOU followed ME to the mall and threw mice at ME, Zim!" Dib cried.

"YOUR LIES DISGUST ME!" The invader yelled, throwing a mouse at Dib to emphasize his point.

Dib merely sighed, looking down at his torso. "You okay in there, Mister?"

"Oh, don't worry." Came the muffled reply, "It's not the first time I've been jammed into someone's torso, and it won't be the last!"

"...Really?"

2--

Foi grinned, stuffing several DVD's into a Material Transporter she had brought just for the occasion. "I LOVE this place!"

All of a sudden, as she was transporting a chocolate cake, sirens began to whine.

"CLEAR THE MALL! CLEAR THE MALL! HORRIBLE FIGHT IN THE PET-SHOP! THOUSANDS DEAD!" screeched an old guy with no legs as the police hauled him away.

Immediately, every person in the mall screamed and fled for the exits. Every person except for FOI, who began to grab as much stuff as she could off of the shelves and throw it into her transporter like the little kleptomaniac she was. 

"I LOVE THIS PLACE!"

2--

"Urgh... What a mess!" A policeman exclaimed.

The pet-shop WAS a wreck, but at least it was finally quiet.

Dib groaned, rubbing his sore torso, as the owner of the shop was carried away by paramedics. "Y-You s-stink, Zim..."

Said Zim lay on his back, mice gathering over his body, "Pathetic h-human...y-you stink w-worse..."

"Jerk..."

"Gasquigglysplorch..."

"Zim?"

Both of them glanced up to see Foi, who was raising an eyebrow at all the carnage. She smiled at her mate. "C'mon, Zimmy! Let's go home!"

Wading through the mice and cats and dogs and rabbits and small children, she picked Zim up by the shoulders and proceeded to drag him out of the store. "G'bye, Dib! See you tomorrow!"

"Bye..."

"There he is! The mouse-thrower!" A policeman yelled, storming up to Dib and pointing accusingly.

"NO! ZIM threw the mice FIRST, not me!"

"Get 'im!"

"NOOO--ahhh! NYEH! GAH-AH-AHHH! NYEH! YOU STINK, ZIIIIIIIIIIIIIMMMMMM!"

2--

As they stood in front of their home, Zim looked over at his wife. He studied her; how her soft green skin shone in the light... how her eyes sparkled like two big, pink gemstones... how her long, jet-black antennae curved ever-so gracefully over her head and swirled into two thick, perfect spirals that cascaded past her shoulders and down to her waist...how her sweet, child-like grin made him want to...to...

Strangle her.

"WHAT HAVE YOU DONE?"

She smiled, "If it makes you feel any better, it was all free!"

Zim's eyes BOTH twitched, as did the rest of his entire body. For, you see, his home was crammed to the brim and literally over-flowing with...

Stuff.

MALL-Stuff.

DVD's, food, clothes, toys, furniture, and large quantities of what appeared to be...LARD.

"Free..." Foi grinned sheepishly. "You can't get any better than that!"

Zim took several deep, hissing breaths. "All...I...WANT...is to GET into...my base."

"Now?"

"NOW."

"RIGHT now?"

"YES!"

Foi glanced at the house, then back at her mate, then at her transporter. "Right... NOW--now?"

"FOOOOIIIIIIII!"

2--

Several hours later, everything was back to semi-normal. True, now Zim's "Making-Stuff Room" had been renamed "STUFF Room", and GIR now had eight shmillion new junk foods to eat, and Computer was now terrified of large objects... but nothing TOO out of the ordinary had happened.

And, best of all, tomorrow was Halloween.

2--

(A/N: Woo! Only one more chapter left, so savor the Mousse-y goodness while you still can!

Dib: I...I got ARRESTED?

Yes.

Dib: WHY? WHY do you need to always pick on ME?

Because you're DIB. It's for comic-relief!

Dib: Well, pick on ZIM for a change!

No. Accept your fate! Mwahahahahaaa!

Dib: ...I'll be SO glad when this is over... ) 


	7. Strawberry Frosted Cupcakes!

Chapter 6: STRAWBERRY-FROSTED CUPCAKES!

(A/N: The...the...final...chapter?

It most certainly is! YA-HOO! I FINALLY finished it!

Dib: YES! FINALLY!

...You're still my muse, y'know, Dib. So we're technically stuck together forever.

Dib: NOOOOO! You stink, Faith! 

Anywho, thanks to ALL who reviewed! Here's a little bonus thing for ya'...

Fun Facts About FOI:

1. She is only half an inch taller than GIR and, like GIR, can easily fit atop Zim's head.

2. In the episode "Backseat Drivers From Beyond the Stars", when Purple screams, "HEY! Somebody's makin' donuts!"---that somebody was Foi. They stole her donuts.

3. Foi was born July 12th. Year unknown.

4. Her magical frosted head cupcake's names are as follows: Vanilla, Strawberry (sometimes referred to as 'Pink'), Lemon, Chocolate, Maple, Pineapple, Cherry, and Coconut. 

DELICIOUS, SWEET, LEMON-MERINGUE PIE TO ALL MY LOYAL REVIEWERS!)

2--

It was the night before Halloween and all through the house, not a creature was stirring, not even a...

"Zim, look!"

"Not now, Foi! I'm tryyyy-ING to repair the stupid sizzly machi--"

"Come on! It'll only take a second! Just look!"

"I--"

"Puh-weeeeezzzeeee? Please with siasche marzpe and snax-stix on toooop?"

"NO!"

"It's for GIIIIIIIIRRRR!"

With a fierce snarl, he whirled around. "GAHH! Wait... What the--?"

Foi grinned, "It's his Halloween costume! Cute, huh?"

"Eh--?"

Before the stupified invader stood none other than...

Himself.

Well, really just a green painted GIR in his "red-mode", dressed in a too-big invader's uniform and sporting thick, glued-on, black pipe cleaners for antennae.

Yes, it WAS cute. Extremely, horribly, sickeningly cute; and it took all of Zim's self-control to suppress an amused grin.

It took even more self-control when he caught sight of Foi.

Living up to her promise, the tiny Irken girl had either fashoined or ordered (he was assuming 'ordered', due to it's realistic appearance) a huge, strawberry-frosted cupcake costume. "Isn't it neat?" she smiled sweetly, "I got you one too!"

"I will NOT dress up as a CUPCAKE, Foi! Don't even--" "No! A PRESENT! Show 'im, GIR!"

"PREEEEEESSSSEEEENNNNTTT!" With a move that would snap the limbs off of a normal creature, the little robot flipped though the air, wigged out, SPASMED! ...and landed calmly in the same place he had been standing before, pointing. "It's over there."

"Well, go get it! I don't have all day, you two!"

"You have to close your eyyyyyeeeeees!"

"Oh, for Irk's sake..."

GIR waved a hand in front of his master to make sure he wasn't peeking, then , satisfied, scurried away giddily.

Zim, on the other hand, was most decidedly NOT giddy. In any shape or form. He was BUSY...or HAD been, before he was very RUDELY interrupted. And for what? This stupid--

"SURPRISE!"

He sighed loudly, feigning delight, "Oh, good--"

"--y..." His sarcasm died in his throat, however, replaced by a gasp of...real delight, "Wha--? My--my sizzly machine! How?"

Foi grinned at her husband's reaction. Boy, if there had ever been a better moment in her short life, she couldn't remember it!

Oh...wait...yeah, she could. It was the day that space pizza voot had crashed into that donut voot and their contents had gone all over the platform outside her room. Those were some of the best donuts she'd ever had! Too bad about those drivers, though. ...Ah, well.

Stinks to be them.

Anyway, Foi beamed as Zim's face lit up as brightly as FoodCourtia at night. He ran his fingers over the glossy new machine. "But, how..."

"We sawded how sad you was, Master, that your sizzly 'chine bust-icated! So we made you a NEW one!" GIR squealed. The invader looked speechless, " 'We' ?"

Foi smiled, "GIR an' me!"

"A-HEM!"

All eyes turned to the ceiling.

"And, um, Computer helped." she added sheepishly.

Zim blinked. "Why?"

"Well, I bribed him with a new upgrade, but--"

"So...it was your idea?"

"Yup!"

Zim nodded, "Alright then. Well, I'm gonna' go test my new machine." His voice took on a soft tone. "Foi, GIR?"

They grinned happily, "Yeah?"

"Go throw out the old one, will ya'?"

2--

Zim stood back, watching the watermelon fry to a crisp and dissolve. "Hm...it works. No explosions, no power-outages, no...HORRIBLENESS. They...did it."

He smiled slowly, a strange feeling welling up inside him that had nothing to do with the six sodas he had just consumed. "She...did it."

But, now what? He couldn't just waltz up there and THANK her--NO! It would go against ALL he believed in. Namely: Independence, revenge, and hatred of everything that wasn't himself.

Well...maybe not...everything...

Maybe not every...ONE.

2--

Foi smiled. She hadn't even expected to get a thank-you. In fact, she had known she wouldn't get one. Zim was Zim, and Zim didn't thank anybody. Ever.

"FOI!"

She jumped, turning to see her mate angrily rapping his fingers on the doorframe. "I-It didn't work?" she stuttered.

He glared, "It worked."

"I--Then wha--"

But he shook his head, "Be quiet!"

Foi watched in astonishment as Zim crossed the floor, standing face-to-face with her...close enough to...to...

He held out his hand, grabbing her fingers in a tight, formal handshake. "You-fixed-the-machine-I-congradulate-you-on-a-job-well-done-thank-you." he blithered like a talking hamster on speed.

"...What?" Foi asked.

His eye twitched, "YOU IDIOTIC GIRL! I'M TRYING TO THANK YOU! THANK YOU, OKAY?"

"...Thank...me?"

"YES!" Zim spat.

She stood in shock, "Why?"

He blinked, "Does it matter? I just AM!"

"Well...no one's ever thanked me before...for anything." She whispered, "So, I guess I really should be thanking you."

Zim raised a brow, "Um... Yes. Yes, you should be." With a nod, he turned to go.

"I'm glad you're my mate, Zim."

He stopped, another thing she hadn't been expecting him to do, and glanced back at her.

Then, suddenly, he smiled. A real, honest-to-goodness SMILE. "I know, Foi. I know you are." he said.

2--

Halloween night was a blast. Foi went in her cupcake costume, GIR in his "Zim" costume, and Zim in...some HORRIBLE, platinum-blonde, GIRL'S wig and a cowboy suit. Why?

I have no idea.

"Trick-or-treat!" The three chorused in unison.

"OH!" Some fat lady with a huge bowl of candy squealed at Foi, "What a sweet, adorable, PINK-FROSTED CUPCAKE! AW! And what a cute little alien!"

Foi and GIR beamed as she dumped the entire candy bowl she was holding into their bags. "Thaaaaannnnk yooooouuuu!" they sang.

"HEY!" Zim squawked, "What about ME?"

The woman looked at him a moment, then recoiled in horror, "AAAUUUUUGGGHHH! SOMEONE GOUGE OUT MY EEEEEEYYYYYYYEEEESSSS!"

'SLAM!'

Foi, GIR, and a miserable-looking Zim were left staring into darkness. Foi turned to her mate, "Here, um, you can have mine. I can't eat this stuff anyway."

"Neither can I." Zim realized, "Why are we even DOING this?"

GIR glanced at Foi; Foi glanced at GIR, and then they cheered. " 'Cause it's FUN!"

Giggling, they each grabbed one of the invader's hands, hauling him off to the next house, "Wee-hoo!"

For the first time in a long time, Zim didn't yell or complain or tell them to let go. He just shook his head, suppressing a smile.

"HEY!" Someone called.

They whirled around, "Dib!" Foi exclaimed, "You look COOL!" "Thanks, Foi!" he grinned, then cocked his head disdainfully at her mate. "And what are YOU supposed to be, Zim? CHER?"

The Irken puffed out his chest, "My costume is far too magnificent to SHARE with the likes of you."

"...Whatever."

Foi motioned for Dib to join their trio, "Why don't you come with us, Dib? It'll be so much more fun that way!"

"NO!" Zim yelled, but was promptly ignored.

"Okay, but only because I want to shame Zim when I get more candy than HE does."

"NEVER!" Said Zim hollered, racing to the closest house in a frenzy. To him, war had been declared.

"No, you don't, ALIEN!" 'Dib The Homicidal Maniac' shrieked, charging after him.

'Foi The Strawberry-Frosted Cupcake' and 'GIR The Zim Look-A-Like' stared at each other.

"They sure are happy!" Foi exclaimed obliviously, walking over as Zim and Dib fought viciously over who would ring the doorbell.

'Knock-knock-knock!'

Foi solved the problem.

The front door opened a crack. "I'm not giving out any..."

Silence.

The person stepped out, eyes wide, and Dib's own eyes widened as well...

They were wearing matching outfits.

"Wha--Wha--What are you supposed to be?" The taller one of the two asked in a voice somewhere between fright and horror.

"I'm a...a homicidal maniac." Dib stuttered.

The man shrieked.

'SLAM!'

Darkness.

"What was that human's PROBLEM?" Zim snapped, disappointed with the strange man's refusal to give them candy. 

"The address is '777'." Foi stated.

"Isn't that Heaven's address?" Dib mused.

They pondered a moment longer.

"I'm gonna' go get more CAN-DEH!" GIR suddenly screeched, hopping merrily on to the house across the street. Behind him, Foi yawned.

"Yeah. I'm going home." she smiled, "I can't eat this stuff an' I'm HUNGRY. Have fun!"

"But--but what about my beating the hideous DIB?" her mate gasped.

She blinked, "Well, you don't have to come with me...I want you to have fun. I'll be okay!"

To her shock, Zim shoved his candy bag into GIR's hands, "GIR, beat the Dib for me. I'm going home too."

"Okee-dokee! Let's get it ON, Dibb-eh!" GIR cried in a very ODD, FAR too manly voice.

"EWWW! No WAY! You stink, Zim!" Dib yelled.

But the invader didn't hear his enemy's wail. He was already far down the road, next to his wife. "Doesn't that costume bother you at ALL?"

"No, why?" She asked, admiring several brightly decorated houses.

He scowled, "It just looks...uncomfortable."

"Nah, I'm fine. ...Hey, Zim?"

"What?"

"Thanks...for everything. You're a really good husband."

He stopped, taking her hand and looking deeply into her eyes...

"I know." he said finally. "I AM AMAZING!"

She giggled, "That's why I love you, Zimmy!"

Zim stood there a moment, his face unreadable. "If I make you siasche marze when we get home...will you promise to never say that again?"

"NEVER?"

"Never."

"...How about if I say it once every two years?"

"Three."

"Okaaaayyyy..."

They began walking again, and Foi thought she felt something wrap itself around her fingers. "Zim?"

"Be quiet and hold my hand, Foi."

She grinned, squeezing said hand tightly. "You love me too, don't you?"

"I said be quiet."

"Hee-hee..."

Then, holding hands, they made their way home. Husband and wife, invader and outcast...

Cher and Strawberry-Frosted Cupcake.

And they lived happily (and insanely!) ever after...

"Hey, Zim?"

"Eh?"

"That really tall, creepy guy back there...he looks strangely familiar, doesn't he?"

"...I suppose."

"I'll go visit him sometime... I'll bring him some FROSTED CUPCAKES! You think he'll let me into his house?" 

Or something like that.

THE END. 


End file.
